When I am speechless, I often try to express feelings to myself through objects which are external to me. In these situations, I often become the object which I choose to attach my feelings to and it soothes my heart. Sometimes, this object would be a character in a book I am reading, or an actor in a movie but this time; its a song.
I was astonished when I heard this song because each and every word of it captures my feelings, my emotions so precisely that I cannot believe it . This song is written for me so I dedicate this to none other than myself.
Namma Bangaluru
Art of Living International Center, Bangalore
July 5th, 2009: 9:41 PM
And I saw the clouds moving past me reflecting the coolness of moon falling on them... The coolness of the moon on it 13rd day of full moon cycle was descending down my spine as I started visualizing the different shapes of the clouds. It was so pleasant to just watch the plane moving over the white clouds above Atlantic Ocean. Gradually moving map on the screen started showing Indian territories which caused a broad 'authentic' smile on my face for the first time in whole journey. I was flying from Dubai to Bangalore. And finally I landed in Bangalore International Airport after a long tiring journey of 26 hours.
Whole day, I roamed around in Namma Bengluru here and there nostalgically. The morning breeze had the fragrance which I left 2 years back. Same colors in surroundings and in people's heart. I lost myself in the beauty around me. My jet lag started draining me out by the evening so caught up with a quick nap to recover myself from tiredness. And as per plan, I left for the AOL international ashram saying a good-bye to all my bro's and sis.
First glimpse was enough to rejuvenate me from all the tensions and worries. It was tall and visible from far, The Vishalakhshi Mandapam. Multi-colors were radiating out from the top of the mandapam as if embracing and welcoming me. Soon after reaching and registering, I was all alone by myself for next one week. This loneliness is different in many sense because in spite of being alone here, I knew I was being accompanied by somebody who had bought me here.
I quickly settled myself up with couple of other folks from different parts of India (pune, hariyana and belgaum). Called up home as I knew I would be in Silence for next 7 days. And I went for a quick walk just to be with myself.
July 5th, 2009: 9:41 PM
And I saw the clouds moving past me reflecting the coolness of moon falling on them... The coolness of the moon on it 13rd day of full moon cycle was descending down my spine as I started visualizing the different shapes of the clouds. It was so pleasant to just watch the plane moving over the white clouds above Atlantic Ocean. Gradually moving map on the screen started showing Indian territories which caused a broad 'authentic' smile on my face for the first time in whole journey. I was flying from Dubai to Bangalore. And finally I landed in Bangalore International Airport after a long tiring journey of 26 hours.
Whole day, I roamed around in Namma Bengluru here and there nostalgically. The morning breeze had the fragrance which I left 2 years back. Same colors in surroundings and in people's heart. I lost myself in the beauty around me. My jet lag started draining me out by the evening so caught up with a quick nap to recover myself from tiredness. And as per plan, I left for the AOL international ashram saying a good-bye to all my bro's and sis.
First glimpse was enough to rejuvenate me from all the tensions and worries. It was tall and visible from far, The Vishalakhshi Mandapam. Multi-colors were radiating out from the top of the mandapam as if embracing and welcoming me. Soon after reaching and registering, I was all alone by myself for next one week. This loneliness is different in many sense because in spite of being alone here, I knew I was being accompanied by somebody who had bought me here.
I quickly settled myself up with couple of other folks from different parts of India (pune, hariyana and belgaum). Called up home as I knew I would be in Silence for next 7 days. And I went for a quick walk just to be with myself.
Departing Day from Bentonville
Atlanta International Airport
Local Time: July 3rd, 2009: 6:44 PM
I watch the sun painting the west sky with its magic brush from Atlanta Airport Window. And it invites me to have a quick nostalgic recap of the day when I landed at Bentonville Airport. Feels like I slept after landing on November 21st, 2008 and waking up only now to find myself at the same location. I looked around to realize faces look familiar and place looks visited as it happens in Deja-vu. But deep down in my heart I know; circumstances have changed, people have changed and I have changed. This picture was taken from my iphone while I was heading back home after dropping my friend to the Bentonville Airport during March sometime.
It was a roller coaster ride to be in Bentonville. If I was asked to compare my last few weeknd (specially few days) of Bentonville, I would relate it to a fish who is kept out of water for a while. Fish shivers breathlessly and hopes that it would be put back into the water but it doesn't know how and when? Or I believe, situation of a paralyzed person would be similar; as he knows he is alive, he has got emotions and feelings, desires, ambitions, affection and love; but power of action has been taken away from him. He can only watch actions being done unto him.
Life took my tests one after another in past 7 months. I was not well physically, mentally and economically. Someone has said: when life gives lemon, make lemonade of it. When I tried to make lemonade, it turned into poison which I had to drink. Someone else has said: When rape is inevitable, spread your legs and enjoy. When I tried to enjoy, I was gang-raped. When I tried to protest, I was slapped and scratched.
Handling all the formalities of leaving the country in short period of time was very difficult, specially because I was living alone and I was not well. Job pressure, personal commitments, mental tension and broken heart did everything they are capable of. My breath still smells the worry and tension so much so that its hard for me to believe that those moments are my past now. They no longer exists and I am past them. Humble gratitude to my Guru for holding my hands during this hard time.
Only ray of hope now is my advance course at AOL International Ashram in Bangalore. Seven days of Silence and intense meditation under the grace of guru is the best (and only) balm I can apply on my bleeding heart to get over my past.
My flight to Dubai is in another 1.5 hours. I need to catch some food quickly and prepare myself for long journey of 15 hours. Catch a glimpse of Atlanta International Airport through my iphone's eyes:
Local Time: July 3rd, 2009: 6:44 PM
I watch the sun painting the west sky with its magic brush from Atlanta Airport Window. And it invites me to have a quick nostalgic recap of the day when I landed at Bentonville Airport. Feels like I slept after landing on November 21st, 2008 and waking up only now to find myself at the same location. I looked around to realize faces look familiar and place looks visited as it happens in Deja-vu. But deep down in my heart I know; circumstances have changed, people have changed and I have changed. This picture was taken from my iphone while I was heading back home after dropping my friend to the Bentonville Airport during March sometime.
It was a roller coaster ride to be in Bentonville. If I was asked to compare my last few weeknd (specially few days) of Bentonville, I would relate it to a fish who is kept out of water for a while. Fish shivers breathlessly and hopes that it would be put back into the water but it doesn't know how and when? Or I believe, situation of a paralyzed person would be similar; as he knows he is alive, he has got emotions and feelings, desires, ambitions, affection and love; but power of action has been taken away from him. He can only watch actions being done unto him.
Life took my tests one after another in past 7 months. I was not well physically, mentally and economically. Someone has said: when life gives lemon, make lemonade of it. When I tried to make lemonade, it turned into poison which I had to drink. Someone else has said: When rape is inevitable, spread your legs and enjoy. When I tried to enjoy, I was gang-raped. When I tried to protest, I was slapped and scratched.
Handling all the formalities of leaving the country in short period of time was very difficult, specially because I was living alone and I was not well. Job pressure, personal commitments, mental tension and broken heart did everything they are capable of. My breath still smells the worry and tension so much so that its hard for me to believe that those moments are my past now. They no longer exists and I am past them. Humble gratitude to my Guru for holding my hands during this hard time.
Only ray of hope now is my advance course at AOL International Ashram in Bangalore. Seven days of Silence and intense meditation under the grace of guru is the best (and only) balm I can apply on my bleeding heart to get over my past.
My flight to Dubai is in another 1.5 hours. I need to catch some food quickly and prepare myself for long journey of 15 hours. Catch a glimpse of Atlanta International Airport through my iphone's eyes:
