(D)evil Inside

बुरा जो देखन में चला, बुरा ना मिल्या कोए
जाओ मन खोजा अपना, मुझसे बुरा ना कोए

I went in search of evil heart but couldn't find it anywhere
When I peeped inside my own heart, I realized I am the worst wicked around

How is it possible that I see affection and beauty everywhere except in my heart? Why is it that everyone reflects truth and honesty from their eyes except me? Why is it that I had been cheating none other than my own self?

Thought Pollution

Real meaning of pollution sages had described long back:

अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत
Excess of anything is prohibited

Pollution actually means something which is in excess; be it sound or smoke or anything else; simply because it breaks the equilibrium of the nature. If life giving gas - Oxygen's percentage in the environment is increased from normal 21% to 50%, it would break the equilibrium of universe and thus it's a pollution. It would definitely have severe impact on various operations of the world. If there are more men around than women, symmetry of the world would be lost thus its a pollution as well.

Same way, when mind is bombarded with thoughts one after another, its a pollution. It is Pollution of Thoughts.


Confusion & Chaos result when one is suffering from pollution of thoughts. Interesting phenomenon is: no one knows where the thoughts come from. Its like a river, one cannot stop it from flowing but one can control its flow by building a dam around it.

Quality of one's life depend on: what kind of thought one acts upon and what kind of thoughts one ignores. One do not have any control over the origination of thoughts but one has full access to the actions which a thought propels. All actions are originated from thoughts and this intelligence of choosing to act on healthy thoughts and ignoring the unhealthy ones, is the key to direct the life stream in meaningful manner.

The Nightmare

And I heard the phone ringing on my side. I woke up from my deep sleep to realize I am gasping for my next breath. All over soaked in sweat, I was collapsed by experiences I just had, through a nightmare. I gathered my scattered body pieces one by one to realize I am still alive when I found myself drinking a glass of cold water in kitchen. Next shock hit me when I saw the watch ticking towards noon. I slept (and dreamt) for more than 12 hours!

It was a warm sunny afternoon of a beautiful Saturday. The sky was painted with light blue color and Fall season had left traces of its presence all over the trees. The fragrance of air was magnificently catching on the mood to vitalize the surroundings. Silence was singing rhymes and the moment was dancing, watching at its own beauty. When presence speaks, words become futile. Didn't I just describe: Moment was in love? Yes, it was. And moment stopped there for a while to feel the love. Then Moment gifted itself to another moment just as one stream surrenders itself to another in a flowing river. Giving oneself is the biggest joy and harshest pain of the world. Moment whispered the sutra for Love: Trust, Faith & No Expectation. The air was welcoming dusk and I was witnessing it.



By the evening, I was placed in the middle of a new city; surrounded by crowd, yet alone. Bewitched by the dazzling flashes of the world, yet in darkness. Dithered by roars of people around, yet mute inside. On the bicycle of hope which had it's chain broken, I tried to locate my destination in the new city.



I asked someone on the street to locate my destination; and he happened to be a rouge. I was on my legs now with no money in hand. I was engulfed by sorrow when it started getting dark. I still had the map of the city in my pocket but no lights to read. Not to forget, fragrance of pleasant afternoon was still beating in my heart.

Moments passed, and I happened to meet another stranger on the street. This time careful, I asked the route to my destination. He embraced me tightly and pointed me to a path which had no lights on it. Before leaving he warned me for thunderstorm tonight. Alone and scared, I saw myself walking on a path which was going nowhere. Every step towards the dark was breath-taking. I wondered what I am doing here and why I am going to this destination? It started getting darker when clouds started surrounding the moon and stars. Not to forget, beauty of the fascinating afternoon was still directing my senses towards my goal.



And I witnessed the first lightening in the sky. It snatched away the beautiful memories of my pleasant afternoon. Crooked air laughed at me while flowing briskly and nature drenched me with tears of heavy rain after seeing my pain. Lost in dark night, I sobbed and cried. But I had to walk and reach somewhere to protect myself from the rain. With heavy steps and fuzzy sight, I still tried to walk towards a dim light far away. It appeared as if nothing else existed except that small light of hope, which upon following I reached a graveyard. The address of graveyard matched with destination address on my map. And lightening stroked...

And I heard the phone ringing on my side. I woke up from my deep sleep to realize I am gasping for my next breath. All over soaked in sweat and collapsed by experiences I just had through my nightmare. I gathered my scattered body pieces one by one to realize I am still alive when I found myself drinking a glass of cold water in kitchen. Next shock hit me when I saw the watch ticking towards noon. I slept (and dreamt) for more than 12 hours!

Am I awake at least now? How long will I keep dreaming?

I wonder...

And I wonder because...
One of my colleague at Hyderabad was getting engaged recently and everything was as smooth as butter until the mishap itself. His mother passed away for some reason on the same day.

And I wonder because...
The very same colleague was paying homage and performing some rituals for her mother at the bank of a river where he drowned and he is no more now.

And I wonder because...
I still feel my tiny, little problems are the most terrifying problems of the world.

And I wonder because...
I have been given much more without asking. Yet, I keep asking for more.

Anil, my friend! May you and your mother find peace and solace in other world.
Amen

Relativity - II

Please read the first part here.

Is there anything which is outside of this relativity? Nothing which I can think of.

After a close observation around, it can be noticed that anything which can be percieved through senses (touch, smell, view, taste or hear) are surely relative in nature, simply because they can be compared with itself or each other. They all can be classified into a category of: Materials. There can be another class of relative things which can be classified as: Non-Material. These are very subtle in nature: emotions, feelings, mood etc. Because they keep changing and thus can be compared.




Lets look closely onto Material objects now. What happens if one is asked to eat a single dish for one full year? Obvious answer is: it would be utterly boring. Same way changes in life are needed to make it lively and interesting. What happens if one is asked to eat a burger and a hot dog alternatively for one full year? Again it would be boring. So changes known beforehand snatches the interest from activity which makes the activity dull. That's why life is given all possibility of changes and changes are not known always which makes life lively and beautiful. Ask people who are doing a routine kind of job, how it feels to keep repeating the same stuff again and again. Changes in life are required; to keep it flowing and changes have to be unknown in nature to make the activity interesting.

Now same rule applies to the Non-Material world as well. If a person's mood never changes, it would be utterly boring for him to live the life. He would never understand what is happiness/sadness because a change is required to compare it. In order to understand this, lets make a scale of 1 to 10 for mood swing; 1 being most sadistic moment and 10 being the happiest moment. If person's mood changes often, he would sometime be 4 and sometimes be 6 to feel he is happy. Then he might be at 2 to feel sad. But if person is always at 4, how would he know whether he is happy or sad? Scale itself cannot be created if there is no change because a scale can exists where there is a change. So definition of sadness/happiness would not come into world if there are no mood changes. And if there are no mood changes, person would be like a dead stone and world would be so boring place to live-in.

Relativity - I

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon in 2004 and I was as usual busy doing nothing until I discovered a book in my friend's room which was dusting around for a while. I started going through the book in very casual way with sips of desi-chai to realize later that I was actually galloping on the book. When I was done with my non-stop breath-taking ride of around 250 pages (which took at least 10-11 hours), I was speechless and uttered only three words from my mouth: OMG

The very first time in my life, I realized the importance of Relativity. Sounds very simple but the impact this reading triggered through my system; was remarkable. If I try to explain it here, it would be injustice on my part but I would surely like to share my experiences around it.

Relativity literally means: To relate, in relation to. In order to relate, there are two or more objects needed. Can a single object be related (read it compared) to itself? NO. Can a dot on a piece of paper be compared to itself? No, it cannot be. Definition of small, big doesn't come into picture until another dot is drawn. Now new dot can be compared (read it Related) to previous dot to define how and where it is placed. So relation is always comparison and in order to find ones own identity, one needs to relate or compare oneself with others to confirm where one stands. What about the paper itself? Is it not a comparison that paper is being called a paper and dot is referred to as Dot.

Are these two dots sufficient on a piece of paper? In order to define a DOT fully, one needs to know all the properties a DOT can posses; like thickness, length, width, color etc. And then one needs to draw all possible DOTS to compare and see what different possibilities are.


We are all DOTS in the piece of paper which is this world. In order to define us fully, there are all possible types of objects around. One less type of DOT and world is incomplete. This is the beauty of relativity. Each Dot has its own properties which are so unique that it gives that object a unique set of characteristics. One dot in relation to ALL others is what defines that DOT. If a DOT excludes to be in relation with another set of DOTS , it leaves behind its chance to explore its own quality, its own identity. For example, if a DOT excludes to be in relation to another set of DOTS which are smaller in nature, it would never know that it actually is big. So in order to know its own identity, it needs a relation. To understand our own identity, we need relations.

To be continued...

Real vs Unreal

"Is it possible to catch a moment?"
NO.

"What is the next moment doing to the previous moment?"
Changing it

"Can I stop this change?"
NO, I can't.

Then "How to face the change?"

When I was in my college, I came across a wonderful book which had the collection of Buddha's teachings and stories around his life. It read: Buddha told just one sentence to his first set of disciples and very next moment they were all enlightened:

"That which begins also has an end."

Then what is real in this world? Is everything not changing around? What is to be believed when everything will vanish one day? All promised have been proven false and all beliefs have been shattered to ground. Objects which give pleasure now will give proportionate or more sorrow when they change their nature tomorrow.

My thoughts change as waves on water and feelings change like moon phase. My perception changes when seasons shift and mood changes as the wind blows. My body renews itself every 7 years and belongings change every moment

Then who do I call myself? I have a new face every moment And am I not just a collection of Past Memories?

When I myself am changing every moment then what and whom to believe.
The world is like bubble; looks beautiful, flies for a while with my blow and eventually bursts. What remains is Emptiness, Void and Nothing

Reflect and So be it

I asked, how is it to be a human
Reflect and so be it. I was born

I asked, how is it to be at acumen
Reflect and so be it. I was adorned

I asked, how is it to be sad
Reflect and so be it. I cried and sobbed

I asked, how is it to be bad
Reflect and so be it. I cheated and robbed

I asked, how is it to be loved
Reflect and so be it. I was hugged and kissed

I asked, how is it to be pain
Reflect and so be it. I was tricked and hissed

I asked, how is it to be alone
Reflect and so be it. I moaned

I asked, how is it to be blown
Reflect and so be it. I was put in cyclone

I asked, how to reach the end
She reflected from a reflection
Reflect and so be it.

Forever...

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me...
I would wait for you...
Forever...